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Sunday afternoon is pretty nice so I pop down to Salad Beach with Cindy.
Yes I still have my dog who has not left me yet to take up permanent residence with her boyfriend Jimmy, though we have had some awkward moments, and go days without talking! Eva Mas is down there with a couple of mates, and is topless as usual but no-one would have noticed! Mikee and Dj Rob came down and after a sunset swim, the three of us head off to the steam room at the Yoga Retreat. Mikee kept on and on about steamroom etiquettes like Rob and I were either A) children or B) had never been to a steam room before. I suppose no-one talks in steam rooms because, and it’s another A,B,C, here. A) It just doesn’t seem right to annoy the fuck out of the person sitting next to you as they just want to enjoy the relaxation. B) If it’s a guy, he might think you are gay or a if it’s a girl, that you are hitting on her. C) It’s just not fucking cool!! Rob was clearly both A&B in the first example and is actually shouting which got magnified because of being in a stone echo chamber. I try to look disgusted but just keep laughing instead!!
We had an invite to the birthday of this French dude Valentine (that REALLY is his name) who lives next door to Mikee, so once out of the steamrooom, we head to the 7 in Haad Yao for vino then arrived at the house of Valentine and his lovely lady Sarah. It’s actually amazing that Mikee got invited as on a few occasions over the last few months you could hear the words “Can you turn that fucking music down” emanating from Mikee’s house towards Valentines house.
It’s a good job we turn up as we are the only guests which actually was perfect as we get to enjoy about one hundred of Sarah’s amazing won tons crispy things while we wait for the main course. It is worth waiting for and surprisingly for a French dish, it didn’t contain onions and neither Valentine or Sarah were wearing onions either. So that must be just a story the English made up then as they did not understand it when we tried to explain it them!! Somehow the conversation is male orientated despite the presence of Sarah and it is all about hookers and squirters!! ( I already had a conversation about squirters with Ramona Sky the night before, and actually explaining it to a girl was a little embarrassing!!) Apparently, I am hilarious when I relay my hooker stories. My first was a Russian in Dubai and the second, well the second didn’t actually happen, even though she had been bought for me by a promoter I worked for in KL years ago. It was the hairy nipples that were the turn off, even though she was 100% a girl, well I think so, I never got further than the bra off. Squirters are awesome providing they have not eaten fish the same day!! We had a really enjoyable night and some awesome food. And not a fish in sight!
Monday is the first day of preparing the set for Culture 1. And I also make then gym.
Tuesday is a FUCKING DISASTER DAY. I don’t know why but I woke in a really bad mood. I get stuck into the C1 set before heading to the gym then after in Thongsala, I meet DJ Ton (Tommy Resort resident) with girlfriend and baby. The baby is adorable so I place the bike keys into the basket on Ton’s bike so I can cuddle baby. I give baby back, and Ton drives off. I go into the shop to buy some cd’s and then realize Ton has driven off with my bike keys. If he hadn’t lived in fucking Thong Noi Pan, it wouldn’t have been so bad. I call him but of course he does not pick up. I try and stay calm and think of a plan. I withdraw 500 Baht from the Bangkok Bank ATM and go buy a coffee at A’s Cafe. I call Tracy Freeman and she says I can borrow her bike. Luckily Seb from Shiralea is driving past with Ota (Tattoed dude) so he drops me at Bangers & Mash. Tracy’s bike is a manual, and it’s the night of Black Moon, so I wasn’t that happy when I tried to descend the other side of the mountain and it keeps stalling, as I was de throttling cos the brakes are shite and I was traveling all of 2k an hour. And it didn’t like to kick start either. In the end I decide I just couldn’t do it so returned to Bangers.
Then a brainwave-call Woody from Electronic Lounge and borrow the truck. He says yes but it won’t be back for 10 mins so I get a drink at Bangers only to realize I left my fucking bank card in the ATM!! Not for one second do I think it’s will still be there-it must have been an hour since withdrew the cash, but I go back anyway-well you would wouldn’t you. Of course it wasn’t!!! The other problem I still have is that I had not raised Ton on the [phone. He would not have known about the keys in the basket and they could easily have fallen out on the bumpy dirt road. Then I would be in shit street completely as EVERY spare key was in my house as I had lost a set the week before and I didn’t have one for the guest bedroom, so I got them all back from the agents who sometimes rent my villa in case they had one(which they didn’t either). Luckily Ton calls me as I am on my way to Thong Nai Pan in the truck and tells me he has my keys. Thank my Buddha. I drop the jeep back at Holiday Beach, Stuart from Holiday Beach jumps on to the back of Tracy’s scooter and we go to Thongsala and he drives my back to Bangers so I can take Tracy’s bike back then I drop him back. Fucking hell, I had done enough “backs” for one day and though t should before any other disaster happens, so I do one more “back” and that is back home. Everything happens in threes so they say, and you know what, it’s true. So of course something else had to go wrong. When I get home I plug my i-Pod Nano in, the one I had back for just ONE WEEK!! IT DOESN’T WORK. My newly replaced fucking FOURTH NANO AND NONE HAVE LASTED MORE THAN 3 WEEKS. I actually didn’t count Ramona Sky telling me she didn’t actually fancy me after I asked her outright earlier in the day as a disaster, though of course I am unhappy about her revelation. There just aren’t enough sexy single girls who live on the island, and banging tourists is getting boring. Actually if I am to be honest, it has been a little while since I banged anyone. This is primarily due to the fact that my ex (a girl I dated in the UK for 7 years and who is arguably THE most beautiful girl in the world) is back out in December. She came the first time last summer just as a mate, and realized that she still had big feelings for me (no surprise there-hahaha) and I of course always had them for her anyway. Then she came back again in September and was going to move here, but after her third visit this April, she decided she could not give her job working for the devil (Goldman Sachs) and now is not going to make the move. Also she wants kids and as I have four already, I had the snip years ago! But as she is still coming for Xmas and New Years, I can’t really have a relationship with anyone till after she goes.
Wednesday night is Halloween the Sequel at Sail Rock Divers in Chaloklum; Rachel had been away on the 31st and it is strictly not allowed to have a party without her. I ended up drinking way too much, but oddly felt ok the next day after 10 cups of coffee. I work all day on Thursday and finally get the set for C1 perfect after editing almost every track. I am playing a trance set and they all had too long breakdowns. I decide to treat myself at Crave in Haad Yao to a chicken burger (but without the bun) and then Mikee pops in. We decide to pop into See Through to see if there is any action, but all 4 of the resorts that sit in the middle of the beach are closed. We see some lights at Sandy Bay, and they are just packing up and the ten or so people were heading for Eagle Bar. As the ten or so people included 3 hot but young females, Mikee and I do our best not to look like we are clearly out on the pull. Of course it doesn’t work once we are at Eagle, so I just give up and start chatting to one of the girls. In the end all 3 join in and Mikee and I make a pretty good double act (not in a sexual way you understand), but they are too young, so after popping into the 7 with them on the way back, we head home. Alone!
Then it’s Friday and I get ready for the Lomprayah boat and bus to BKK at 1pm. Peter from and Dang from Haad Yao Gym are at the pier and they are having a couple of days on Koh Tao. Dang has lived here 20 years and Peter about three and neither have ever been!! I finally make the Sofitel Hotel in BKK about 2am, and it’s fab! AND it has a bath, so I fill it, and soak and fall into bed complete with big soft cushions and duvet! I make it down for breakfast, chill for a bit, then use the gym, sauna, steam and Jacuzzi! I buy a soda water and notice the word LUNCH on the bill which is for 160baht. I point out I didn’t actually have lunch but just the small Singha Soda water that costs about 8baht in Tesco Lotus. The waitress looks at me like I am some kind of moron and says “yes I know, the soda water is 160baht”. I used to pretty much live in 5 star hotels with all the traveling I used to do for gigs, but clearly living in Phangan has spoiled the memory of how much things actually cost in the real world! They tell me at the Apple Store (though of course it isn’t REALLY an Apple store, it’s just a reseller,) that there is water in the headphone socket of my Nano and they will not sent it back to Singapore. I tell them it’s impossible as I have only had it one week and never removed the headphones since I got it and point out that why is there not water then in the usb connection as it’s right next to the headphone socket. She also looks at me like I am a moron so I check I am not wearing a baseball cap with the word “MORON” on it before going ever so slightly, OK, VERY fucking mental. Then I hear what I guess is Thai for “Fuck Off or I will call security” so I leave. What the fuck else could I do. The gig at Culture One goes well after an initial fuck up because A) when I power my laptop up, it begins to install the first of 18,000 updates and B) the sound technician plugs my sound card into a phono socket instead of a line socket which I don’t notice until I start to play and it sounds totally shit!! There is a silence as I unplug the leads and put them in the line socket on the same channel but that doesn’t work at all. I REALLY want to die! Luckily I had put everything onto a USB stick so start a CDJ up while I try and get the Soundcard to work in another channel. Of course the sound tech guy has totally disappeared and I am up in this fucking box with cameras on me all on my own!! Finally, I find a channel which works only to then find out that one of the updates has fucked up Traktor, and the faders on my controller aren’t actually making the faders in the programme on my laptop do anything. Now I REALLY REALLY want to kill myself. I quickly close the programme and start it up again, noticing I have about ninety seconds left of the track playing in the CDJ. This time it works so I put my hands together and hold then high in Namastai position and start the set properly. Luckily this gets greeted with a loud cheer from the crowd!! What really fucks me off is that I wired everything up in the hotel room in the afternoon to make sure NOTHING could go wrong. As I had done some work on line, that was when the laptop obviously downloaded the updates but I hadn’t noticed. It was great to hook up with Sean Tyas, Paul Thomas, Artic Moon, Graeme Park and 808 State again and great to have been asked to play Culture One for the fourth year running.
