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Liam Nesson
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So Sunday starts by watching Taken 2, the sequel to err…. Taken!! Liam Neeson is still on form with his Wing Chun. Still, he would he say to someone who was behind the abduction of his daughter in France before he sold her to some fat Arab to use as his sex toy and who also kidnapped and drugged his wife, “If you give me your word, you will not try and find me again, I will walk away now so you can enjoy your life with your wife and two children.” And then lay your gun on the ground? (Neeson killed the other three sons in the first movie as they were the ones who did the initial kidnapping!) Would you FUCK!!! And of course, the man nods yes, and then he goes to shoot Neeson, but Neeson has removed the only bullet, so Neeson kills him. Oops-did that spoil the ending for you?
My day rises dramatically when I see a post on Facebook announcing my fave yoga teacher Laura Burrows is back in town and hanging out at The Yoga Retreat. As my hearing has been fucked by years of abuse to loud music, I was always in the first row at her classes as she spoke quietly anyway. And it was also because when it came to the Kurmasana pose, I never looked backwards through my legs but just stayed looking forward as she sure has the best arse I have ever seen! Sorry Eva Mas, but yes, it is even cuter than yours!! But my happiness is not to last; she is only here for a few days, she tells me when we meet at Nira’s Bakery in Thongsala! Come on, boys, admit it, we only got to Yoga to meet hot girls!! Then it is more arduous gardening, a job I hope to finish eventually before Rory (yes, he is STILL here)and I are back in the studio to finish the first track, but of course, we don’t like this bit anymore. Then we think that bit could be better, so we don’t finish it all!! I take Cindy down to the beach (she loves the beach), and this time, she actually goes in the sea all on her own and then decides to shake it off all over me as dogs do! Rory and I have made plans to hook up with DJ Rob and Mikee (you know, the one who looks like a young Alexey Sayle) for a late Sunday Roast at The Outlaw. They are late, so we order anyway; I have roast chicken and ask for some cracking too. I don’t eat meat (chicken is poultry!!), and I never eat pork, but I love a bit of crackling!! Geordie Andy is in there looking like he does every day of the week-fucked, and then the mob from Phangan International Divers join us, including Mike, owner of The Hacienda. The first time I was there for lunch-I usually go to Big John’s, but he was closed-but I have to say it was bloody lovely- and John (not Big John but the other chef who is also called John-think Gordon may have been a better name!) gave me DOUBLE CRACKLING! Rory and I pop in to see Adam at the Phangan Beach Resort as he has said there was some fanny there (Adam’s words!), but they weren’t around when we got there!! Typical!! We had planned to go to Loi Lay, but I was shattered, so I went home while Rory stayed and went there with Adam. A bird smacked me in the face on the way home, and all I was doing was riding my scooter. It wasn’t a bird as in a girl/female, well, it may have been female, but it was too fast to notice. (Do male birds have penises anyway? I have no idea!). It was about fifteen centimetres long and was quite thick. It felt like a wet fish, and the last time I felt something like that was when I last met Danny Tenaglia, and we shook hands! Luckily I am wearing my clear glasses, which I always wear during sunset, so as not to get flying insects in your eyes, not birds! I did some work when I got home and then hit the sack (went to bed). Sleep is impossible cos I keep feeling these tiny crawly things in my bed!! I still don’t know if they were termites or bed bugs. The mattress is only three years old, so maybe it was from the pillows I brought from England as they are duck and down and more excellent than the ones I bought here. What I know is I spent about an hour with a magnifying glass lying on my bed trying to find the little bastards!! Maybe we should make a Sherlock Holmes movie in Thailand! I was thrilled when I woke the following day to see only one set of flip-flops outside on the porch meant Rory hadn’t pulled. Great, I hadn’t missed anything then. Not that I would have been jealous! Much!! So a quick walk up the dirt road with Cindy before taking on the garden again. Why do we start jobs we don’t want to finish? Halfway through, Rory popped his head around the front door with a big grin. He did get laid, it was a Russian girl, but he did it outside her bungalow as her mates were sleeping inside. And he said I missed out big time-it was packed, Darragh Casey rocked it, and there was plenty of pussy-his words, not mine!! FUCK, OK, Eden and Loi Lay DEFFO this coming Saturday and Sunday! Mind you, if I had gone and IF I had pulled one of her mates. She had come back to mine; I am sure all I would have heard was “HeT” pronounced “nyiert” once the termites or whatever they were started crawling all over her, instead of the da, da, da, da and finally daaaaaaaaaaaa which is what I would have wanted to hear!! So maybe a good job. I never went!!
Monday, I went to the gym, then got bitten by the dog at the garden centre in Baantai (Surin, the owner, just smiled (as they do!!) and said, “It’s Ok. He no has big teeth at the back.” But the fucker broke the skin, and he did have his whole mouth clamped around my calf. And they didn’t even have any grass (not THAT kind of grass!) anyway, until Friday. But I am not sure I want to go back there, to be honest! SO hit by a bird and bitten by a dog in 2 days-I, I wonder what will be next!! Back home, Rory and I did some work on the track, we changed one of the percussion loops, and NOW it’s sounding fat! Then we went to Sriethanu for a Mexican. No Mexican works there, not even a Spaniard, Italian, Portuguese or anyone remotely looking like a Mexican. Still, the food was excellent, and I will go there again. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are pretty exact. I do three hours of gardening daily, and now the front is ready for grass! I make the gym every day and am feeling so good. Pop to Omega Bar in Chaloklum on Wednesday night for their Open Mic night with my good friend Tracy Freeman, or Catalogue, as I call her! O.K., you might not get that! We used to have a shopping catalogue called FREEMANS, where you ordered stuff, and then they sent it in the post, and you send it back when you realise it’s shit and looks nothing like it did in the photo, probably because a) you aren’t 1m 80 tall, b) you don’t have abbs like the model and c)it just doesn’t suit you! So anyway, that’s why I call her catalogue! Thursday afternoon, I plug my i-pod NANO in. An error message comes up on i-tunes that I will have to revert to “factory settings” as it is not recognised. WHY? It admitted it yesterday, the day before, and the day before! I am meant to be playing on Samui tonight, but the weather is so shit –Yey, RAIN RAIN RAIN!! I wanted the rain, but it had to piss down right at boat time! So Thursday night, Rory and I went to Eagle Bar in Haad Yao for food. Owner Shalem is one of the best Thai chefs on the island; his food is fantastic. Shalem is excellent, too, when he is not constantly moaning about “having no customer”! Before Sandy Bay Resort and the rest of Haad Yao went upmarket about five years ago, he would between 200 and 300 backpackers at his bar every night partying till 6 am! But the families with kids put a stop to all that! Eagle Bar was the first place I ever played when I arrived four and a half years ago. It was on the Eve of Songkran, and we decided to do it when I visited the island for the first time to see if I would like it enough to move her six months earlier. The night was a huge success; I have to say. On the way home, we pay a visit to Crave, opposite the 7/11 in Haad Yao, and Miriam has just returned from her native Canada-even though she is French-Canadian (Montreal). I like her even though she talks with a funny accent! Her boyfriend Nat is still on the electric cigarettes-I need to get one. It has also worked for Andy Duggins and his missus (Phangan Beach Resort). I did give it up for six years once and with no help from patches or anything, but I started again to piss off the girl I was married to at the time-how fucking dumb was that, as it took me six months of smoking again? Before. I even enjoyed one!! Friday morning, I switch on my Nano, or instead I don’t, because it won’t switch on, and my PC doesn’t even recognise it’s plugged in! WTF!! So I write a disgusting letter to Apple, jump on my bike and take it to Patrick at Baancom so he can send it back to Apple in BKK. This is my THIRD NANO in as many months; none has lasted more than THREE WEEKS! THEY ARE SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! What is ironic is that the only nano I had that has survived was stolen when my house was robbed, so if you do see anyone on the island enjoying some tech house on a working nano-it’s probably mine, so beat the shit out of them and then call the police for me. I appreciate any help you can provide. Pik at Inter Pool has let me down AGAIN, my pool still looks like a pond, so I go to the pool place opposite Milky Bay and ask if their engineers can take a look. They tell me there is no sand in my new filter, but I know because I saw Pik put almost two full bags into it. So now I have no idea what to do!! I also got a couple of guys working on the house next door to render the new bbq and planter I just had built under the house on the East Wing! LOL! Friday night is Audio Love @ The Electronic Lounge; honestly, it’s not a stormy night. Rory also plays and does a good job. More gym Sat, then it’s off to Salad Hut with Fraser & Kaila, Rory & Anna (the new girl he met at Loi Lay the last week-she has come back to Phangan to spend the weekend with him-is. Is This a love thing??), another couple who are friends of Fraser, and S who used to go out with David from Cocktails & Dreams is back on the island for a few days with a new guy. There is something missing here-oh. Yes, I am the only one without a girl. It sucks! Then we all head off to Hansa Resort for Lance INlightened’s new night Signature Saturdays, and I hope to catch a glimpse of Thailand’s Prime Minister ( I have no idea why I am remotely excited!!) who is on the island (HOW MANY SOLDIERS AND POLICE!!) The PM had booked a table for dinner at OUTLAW for two hours from 8 pm, and although it’s only 9.45 when we drive past, she must have already left. A bit weird, though, don’t you think-why did she not choose one of the local Thai restaurants-maybe Chris from Milky Bay, Lime & Soda, Food factory & Bangers & Mash? Does it have some power!! Hansa is pretty busy with lots of faces, including Linda Jasmine (freshly returned from berlin after six weeks), Gali, Linda & Sharon from Phangista, and Misha (not Tribal Sky). However, he turns up later as he plays after Jonny Acrobat, who I have to say is playing some perfect attractive deep house. Fabrice is there with Maria (at least I think that’s what she says when I tell her I can’t remember her name!) and Philipe from Secret Garden. I asked Lek & Amanda from Loi Lay if they would be OK with Electronic Lounge opening on Sunday as their night will close as the boat is being moved, and they said yes, no problem. We were going to Eden, but now I have to work Sunday night; I pop into Rob & Snoopoid’s night at the Electronic Lounge before heading home. Oh, and I decided I could have a drink after two weeks of no alcohol. I wish I hadn’t! Previous blogs
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